It’s the great American pastime: demanding that illegal immigrants be deported immediately—“Yesterday, dammit!”—but recoiling in performative horror the moment someone actually sketches out a plan with logistical efficiency.
Welcome to Firing Lane, where I, Croaky, your semi-constitutionalist, semi-philosopher, and full-time logistical adult in the room, humbly suggest we stop screaming at the sky every time government policy is implemented with more thought than a bumper sticker.
This week after a very relazing hiatus, I’m taking you deep into the Everglades—not to wrestle gators, but to wrestle hypocrisy.
The state of Florida, in a rare act of sober governance, identified a remote Cold War-era airstrip—already cleared, already paved, already owned—and said, “Let’s use this to expedite deportations.” Sensible? Efficient? Legal? All of the above.
And yet... cue the primal wailing.
The same people who moan about illegal immigrants being released into communities now complain when they’re beeing kept out of communities. The same folks who cry about court backlogs now clutch their artisan hemp pearls when the state of Florida quickly builds a staging site to fix them. “Environmental impact!” they shout, while sipping $7 lattes flown in via jets that land on the very same type of strip.
And of course, we’re told it’s insensitive. Cruel. Orwellian. The name—Alligator Alcatraz—oh, how it stings! Never mind that the detainees are already adjudicated, afforded legal aid, and being flown out faster than you can say “I liked Gator Guantanamo better.”
This isn’t Gitmo. It’s a glorified bus stop with fences, a runway, and the occasional water moccasin. And if your chief complaint is that it's too effective, maybe your true priority was never enforcement at all—but virtue signaling from a safe distance.
So tune in to Firing Lane. Let’s cut through the ideological fog, expose the doublethink, and remember: nothing threatens performative populists and keyboard conservatives quite like a governor who actually gets the job done.
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