Byron Donalds Wants to Lead Florida. He Can’t Even Finish a Sentence.
The Study Committee Candidate: Byron Donalds and the Death of Reform
I am rarely inclined to respond to the utterances of Rep. Byron Donalds—if only because I prefer my opponents to be fluent in at least one language, preferably English. But when a man seeks the Governorship of the third-largest state in the Union and answers a straightforward question about property taxes with the verbal equivalent of a root canal performed blindfolded and underwater, I’m compelled, out of sheer pity or contempt, to intervene and write this quick pushback.
Let me begin with the footage now circulating online, in which Mr. Donalds is asked—gently, politely by Florida’s Voice—about his plan to tackle Florida’s bloated and increasingly regressive property tax system. He responds not with a plan, nor with a goal, not even with a position, but rather with 3 minutes of what can only be described as improvisational throat-clearing. It’s a performance so devoid of substance that it could be taught in acting school as an exercise in playing “confused middle manager trying to explain the copier.”
To paraphrase—because transcribing the full remarks would violate the Geneva Conventions—Donalds offers a few gems:
“Well, you can't just do it.”
“You’ve got to study it.”
“We have to be mindful of the budget.”
“It’s complicated.”
Platitudes aside. Indeed, it is complex. So is neurosurgery. That’s why we don’t select people who can’t finish a sentence to do it.
The Curious Case of the Vanishing Position
What makes this most laughable—if one can laugh without weeping—is that Donalds didn’t always speak this way. Not long ago (literally Feburary), he was all too happy to lend his booming voice to calls for eliminating property taxes altogether. But now, with the House leadership having performed their favorite legislative maneuver—pretend interest followed by strategic amnesia—Donalds has joined the ranks of the “Let’s Form a Committee and Hope You Forget” caucus.
His earlier support for reform has been replaced by an audible shrug. This isn’t the language of leadership. This is the language of someone auditioning to be the valet at the Chamber of Commerce luncheon, hoping no one notices the car is missing.
Florida: A State with Surplus and Spine (Well, Mostly)
Let me remind those who might be unware, that Florida currently runs a budget surpluses, thanks in part to its booming tourist economy and fiscal discipline under Governor Ron DeSantis. It’s not California. Florida is not trying to fund 45 new state agencies dedicated to emotional support animals. It is a state that could—if it wished—radically restructure how it funds schools and relieve homeowners of the most aggressive government hand in their pocket outside of the TSA.
But in place of vision, we get vacillation. In place of reform, we get regression. Donalds would have everyone believe that the issue must be “studied” the tax code—under the supervision of Franciscan monks no doubt— as if it were a newly discovered religious text written in Sumerian. It’s not. The numbers are public. The mechanics are understood. The political cost is what scares him—not the math.
An Errand Boy Sent by the Swamp
Let me speak plainly: Byron Donalds is not proposing to govern. He is proposing to exist—comfortably, politely—within the existing arrangement provided by the swamp. He’s not a reformer. He is the human equivalent of an IOU from Con Inc. Sent forth to defend the indefensible with a smile, a blazer, and talking points downloaded at 2AM from the donor class Slack channel.
And on this particular issue, the script failed him. He ran out of lines. So he rambled.
Casey Looms
It must gall him—truly—that while he spends three minutes explaining why something can’t be done, Casey DeSantis is already understood by voters as the one who would not only tell you how to do it, but also why it must be done—before he’s even located his predicate. Where he hesitates, she acts. Where he equivocates, she leads. To her, property tax relief is not merely a policy preference—it is a moral imperative, grounded in the very sort of Burkean imagination that once defined conservatism before it was handed over to the algorithmic salesmen of Con Inc. With over a quarter of Floridians now over 65—a number swelling like a tide that cannot be filibustered—she sees clearly what Byron cannot: that taxing fixed-income retirees out of their homes in a surplus-rich, tourism-fueled state is not just inefficient, it is cruel. Florida’s revenue is propped up not by the struggling homeowner in Levy County, but by the 142 million tourists who flock there annually to sweat, spend, and buy commemorative reptiles made of resin. Byron, in his wisdom, compares Florida to South Dakota—a place whose chief exports are wheat, wind, and obscurity. He doesn’t seem to know that the Florida economy is structured differently, that it’s people are older, that it’s burdens are specific, and that it’s government—at least when led properly—has the means to ease them. But then again, Byron doesn’t know that because Byron doesn’t know much. He offers study where the moment requires certainty. He sells delay when the people demand action. She doesn’t need to audition. The people remember. The consultants panic. And Byron? Byron studies—or at least hopes someone else will summarize the findings for him on cable news.
It’s no wonder he’s still falling behind someone who hasn’t even implied she’s running.
A Study in Cowardice
In sum, Mr. Donalds’ great contribution to the property tax debate is to announce that the debate should be postponed indefinitely, studied to death, and quietly reburied beneath a stack of donor-approved exemptions and buzzwords like "mindful" and "complicated." He does not propose reform—he proposes retreat. Not a leader, but a legislative hall monitor sent by the swamp to make sure nothing actually gets done.
And if that’s what passes for leadership in Florida, then I am the King of Spain, Archbishop of Tallahassee, and head usher at the Byron Donalds School of Public Policy, where every class is “To Be Determined.”
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